The X Games...

Last Thursday I was sitting at home, flipping through the channels, when i came to espn and its first day of xgames coverage. I sat and watched as various skiers, snowboarders and snowmobilers all put their lives at risk just to provide that inkling of entertainment that may keep you from switching to a more important show... like whatever piece of shit adult swim is showing this week.

Anyway... As I sat there and watched basically 4 days of EXTREME snow sports I began to realize how pathetic I am. I listened to Sal Masekela and his colleagues in the booth discuss "how tasty that rodeo 9 was" or "how that boost was just redonkulous" and it became apparent that anyone involved in action sports is a complete fucking idiot. Night after night I sat there watching some incredible athletes have their performances overshadowed by inane commentary that literally made me want to punch the tv sometimes. But now I'm the pathetic one because I'm sitting here watching it. Being pathetic has nothing to do with sitting at home in your underpants on a Thursday night, drinking red wine and baking chicken. But we all need someone to blame... and "Action Sports" is a seriously easy fucking target.

There is so much hype on a guy pulling a double back flip on a snowmobile that when it actually happened, I don't think anyone cared. Not only that, but the dude fell off at the end and technically he didn't pull shit. What he did do was act like he was god's gift to snowmobiling... and back flips... after the fiasco was all said and done. To be honest, if I didn't have to listen to the "bros" talk about the god damn thing for 2 hours and he just went out and pulled it, it would have been a lot crazier and I wouldn't have all this hate in my heart. That's what I get for not having a life.

Then on the final night you have Shaun White going into the last round needing a large score to beat some other dude that no one cares about. The excitement is building and the entire snowboarding world is premature ejaculating into their mittens. But it ends in the same weird anticlimactic let down that happened with king snowmobile.

My point here is that the "action sports" world is a terrible place, although, I think a semi-retarded kid could have figured that out. The lingo, the clothing, the constant advertisements, the lingo, the attitude, the LINGO. Christ. I don't know how many more of those doublemint gum commercials I can sit through with R. Kelly's protégé gazing at me.

There is nothing that can be done to change it because the satanic formula they have going is obviously working. These sports are getting more popular and a whole shitload of young athletes will grow up to be bro'd out whack jobs pounding down rockstar energy drink at every meal. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that; and if someone told me I had to drink that shit 3 times a day in order to snowboard for the rest of my life I would happily oblige.

But I just think it's really fucking gay.